Spouse

It's an interesting position I'm in. I can't speak to Candices experience, or what it's like to be trans. So a lot of times, I feel like my voice doesn't matter. But I do have a role in all of this. And my story and what I am going through is important too.

I think the spouses story and experience gets overlooked a lot. I in no way think our experience is more important- but I think our perspective should be seen more often. 

It's not easy. For a plethora of reasons. It's terrible to see the person you love most hurting and you not being able to fix it. It's awful questioning what is going to happen, if you will be the couple who makes it, or if you will become another couple that didn't survive transition. It's hard to keep those fears and thoughts stored away, so you can be strong for your partner.  

There is a certain amount of pressure put on the spouse. A pressure that isn't easy to describe. You are the solid one, the rock. You need to be perfect, unfaltering. It's an unspoken pressure, but it is very real. And it's kind of expected of you- from everyone. Friends, family, strangers, and your spouse.

I wouldn't dream of not going through this with Candice, and I don't ever see myself leaving. In fact, I know I won't. I know we are meant to be together, But that doesn't change the fact that it's hard sometimes. I wish there were more stories being told that I can relate to. I wish it didn't feel so lonely sometimes.