Sunday, November 16, 2014

Forever.

I haven't blogged in awhile. There is a lot going on, things I can't really talk about yet- which makes it hard to blog. 

I've been doing a lot of thinking about Candice & I, and what our future looks like. If you think too much, it can get you real anxious. 

Rightfully so, we both have concerns about how transition is going to affect our relationship. We've heard & read the stories of relationships falling apart & those stories are more common than the success stories. 

But. When we look at it, the stories don't look like ours. Most of those stories, the partners sexual orientation doesn't match after transition. I understand that. You want to believe that love conquers all- but you can't expect a heterosexual woman to become a lesbian. I want to believe it can happen, but most times it doesn't. 

That is where I feel like we differ. My sexual orientation has never be clearly defined, I just never put thought into it. I just was attracted to who I was attracted to- and that was it. By definition, I would identify as pansexual. 

All my past relationships have been heterosexual ones, but my past relationships also all took place in high school. 

As an adult, I have been able to explore and understand my sexuality more. Not only do I find people of all sexes and gender identies attractive, I have a preference for trans people. That was something I wasnt fully aware of, something I didn't know how to express until being with Candice. I didn't know how to express my sexuality really at all until Candice. How lucky am I, that she was exactly what I was longing for- without even knowing it? I feel blessed about that all the time. 

And I would say I have a strong preference for trans people.  And not in a fetishized way. I genuinely find trans people to be the most beautiful people, inside & out. I believe that that is what makes Candice & I different. 

I know it's cliche, and everyone says it- but I didn't fall in love with what she looks like. I fell in love with who she is. And that isn't going to change. Plus, she's a super babe. 😻 

She was nervous about it the other day.. But it's gonna take more than transition to get rid of me. When we got married, I said forever, and I meant it. 

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